Megan Mulls It Over

+JMJ

“A time is coming when men will go mad, and when they see someone who is not mad, they will attack him, saying, ‘You are mad; you are not like us.’”
-St. Anthony the Great (251 – 356)

COVID-19 WARNING: Until this point, all content on this blog has gone through final editing in the presence of the Eucharistic Jesus. Even though churches and Adoration chapels in my diocese remain open for private prayer, I am staying in as much as possible. Therefore, this post was edited in front of an image of the Eucharistic Jesus on my TV, courtesy of a church near me that has done a daily livestream from inside their Adoration chapel. And while that restrained me some, I can’t promise that in the coming days, you won’t be seeing an increase in snark and vulgarity around here.

A NOTE ABOUT TRANS TERMINOLOGY: In order to avoid confusion, I will use the term “trans man” to refer to a woman who identifies/lives as a man and “trans woman” for a man who identifies/lives as a woman. And even though this will make for some clunky reading, I will use the terms in quotes so that my readers will not think I have forgotten that “trans men” are women and “trans women” are men.

Some of you who have followed Megan Mulls It Over from the beginning might recognize the opening quote in this post from my October 9, 2018 post, “Wokeness and Its Follies.” (And if you haven’t read “Wokeness and Its Follies,” you totally should because I think that of all the posts on this blog, it does the best job of highlighting what I consider the defining feature of my political philosophy, that is, an equal aversion to identity politics and militarism.)

I decided to replay the wisdom of St. Anthony after reading this article from VICE about how some trans people are adjusting to pandemic life. And no, it’s not about trans people who have contracted the coronavirus, but those who are lamenting that the healthcare needs of others have stood in the way of their getting what the headline describes as “life-saving” surgeries.

In other words, if you live in a woke city and have to go to the hospital, don’t be surprised if you hear, alongside all the coronavirus mayhem, “No, I won’t go home – I demand that you cut off my breasts this instant!” or “What’s a lady gotta do around here to get her dick inverted?!”

The article opens with a photo of a person who I assume is a “trans man” sitting on an examination table staring mournfully out the window. And if you think she’s sad because she was molested as a child or disowned by her parents when she came out as a lesbian, you are wrong and part of the problem, you insensitive transphobe. “He” is sad because the coronavirus has caused “his” mastectomy or phalloplasty to be delayed.

The first trans person we are introduced to in the article is Violet Jones, “a 29-year-old trans woman and assistant professor in New York.” And right out the gate, I am ticked off. Assistant professor? So you mean this guy got a job teaching at a university and isn’t stuck giving blow jobs out behind the 7-Eleven?

And yet instead of helping other “trans women” find safe employment he’s out lecturing the rest of us to stop shaming sex workers and start coming up with ways to ensure that they will be safe behind the 7-Eleven and that their clients will be polite and disease-free.

Because polite, disease-free men seek blow jobs from transsexuals out behind the 7-Eleven.

Or maybe in a future “Sex work is real work!” utopia, they’ll spring for a half-hour at the No-Tell Motel, which undoubtedly will have a different non slut-shaming name and a new look that doesn’t make everybody involved feel quite so sleazy.

And a Starbucks. Definitely a Starbucks.

“Megan, you’re stereotyping! How do you know that Jones thinks that way?” Because he was interviewed by VICE and works in academia. Duh.

So Jones is scheduled to have an unspecified “procedure” in May, which was so scheduled in order for him to recover “without a gap in pay” during his summer break. Considering the long recovery time, I am assuming this is The Surgery. So when we are told that Jones is “doing everything possible to prevent illness, which would force postponing her procedure,” that means we have a man who is saying something like, “I really hope I don’t get coronavirus because then I’ll have to wait even longer to get my girldick turned inside out.”

And if we suggest that maybe what this man really needs is counseling from someone who isn’t in cahoots with the neo-Mengeleian butchers who perform gender surgeries, we are definitely Nazis.

And saying, “Dude, you need a beer and a barbecue pit like yesterday!” is also forbidden.

(Note: the “beer and a barbecue pit” is a reference to my December 30, 2018 post entitled, “BBQ Should Be a Judgment-Free Zone,” which explores the primal and therapeutic relationship between men and barbecuing.)

Next we meet Riley Cooper, a “trans man” who is 23 and living in St. Louis. Cooper has “had his top surgery postponed, with no reschedule date” and describes this setback as “heartbreaking.” And because I don’t have a heart, I think it’s heartbreaking to live in a society where the medical establishment is willing to chop off a woman’s breasts because she’s uncomfortable being a woman.

Cooper tells us that this is the third time her mastectomy has been postponed and “Every time I feel like I’ve gotten close, something has to come along to take it away.” And this, dear readers, is an example of how Gen Z does selflessness – basically, “I like love the planet and the animals and humans of all genders, but then the stupid coronavirus had to come along and delay my top surgery and now I’m like pissed AF!”

“Megan, you have said that a lot of trans people were abused or bullied as children. You shouldn’t poke fun like that.” Well, sometimes you have to find the humor where you can. And if my flippant remarks are the thing that you find most disturbing about this post, you have a serious problem.

And you should keep reading because you might change your mind.

Next the article moves to stories of trans people who are recovering from recent surgeries. First up is Abigail, a 40-year-old Welshman who was one week post-op at the time the article was written. Prior to performing the surgery, Abigail’s surgeon, being an exemplar of compassion and ethics, “confirmed she was aware of the risks of indirectly coming into contact with the virus during her immediate recovery period.”

And because Abigail was in enough emotional pain to pay someone to invert his penis, he didn’t hear the subtext of the doctor’s warning, which was basically, “I’m about to jet off to my private island to ride out this virus thing, and I really don’t wanna have to have a side of guilt pangs with my caviar.”

Next we meet Danielle LaGaccia, a New Yorker who is over three weeks post-op. LaGaccia is feeling the pain of social distancing as friends who volunteered to bring him meals have cancelled. LaGaccia laments that “…there isn’t a service directly caring for trans patients in recovery. I can’t buy groceries by myself.” And if you’re thinking, “So Instacart doesn’t deliver to trans people?” let me fill in some parts that VICE and LaGaccia danced around but didn’t spell out.

When you’re a man recovering from bottom surgery, you don’t just need friends to bring you meals. They are also great for moral support while you’re dilating. And to make sure that you don’t impale yourself while dilating (either accidentally, on purpose, or accidentally on purpose). Because even when it’s done correctly, dilating is still pretty close to impalement. As LaGaccia himself discovered firsthand when he “was rushed to the ER” for what the article describes as a “bleeding complication.”

And I definitely noticed that while the article hyperlinked “top surgery” in Riley Cooper’s section, they didn’t hyperlink “bleeding complication” in LaGaccia’s section. Because apparently VICE prefers that its readers be blissfully ignorant about the myriad answers to “What could possibly go wrong?” as it relates to bottom surgery.

So I will fill in the knowledge gap left by VICE by offering this 3-D video simulation of a penile inversion, the purpose of which is threefold: 1) Proving that Megan isn’t crazy for thinking that gender surgeries provide some of the most conclusive proof that the world has gone mad; 2) Calling the bluff of gender surgeons who assure their patients that “No nerve endings were harmed in the making of this neovagina”; and 3) Calling the bluff of “trans women” who brag about having mind-blowing sex after bottom surgery. All that tells me is that you are desperate to validate your medical choices and that even men who are triggered by their penises love to brag about their penises, e.g., “My partner is so impressed with how much depth I have!”

And to bring some racial intersectionality into this, that video should be required viewing on repeat for Dwyane “I can’t stand the thought of having a gay son, so now he’s my daughter” Wade and Charlize “My people didn’t get enough jollies from apartheid so now I’m transing the black boy I adopted” Theron.

Back in the VICE article, LaGaccia tells us that he had a virtual follow-up visit with his surgeon, which involved “sending pictures via email.” (Unfortunately we aren’t told whether or not LaGaccia resisted the urge to send a “Just got thru sending my doc some dick pics, lol” text to his friends.) And for anyone who is thinking that sending pictures of your genitalia to a doctor sounds like something that could go horribly wrong, your suspicions are not unfounded. Just last year, one Dr. Christopher Salgado of the University of Miami Health System was busted for posting such pictures on social media.

So it turns out that there are some real sickos in the genital mutilation business. And if you’re shocked, I’m shocked that you’re shocked.

Violet Jones returns in the penultimate paragraph to tell us the possibility of having his surgery rescheduled is exacerbating his anxiety issues, but that he also understands that if his surgery has to be postponed, “…it’ll be for the greater good of those who need facilities.”

And I’m kinda wondering why VICE waited until this late in the article to show us something that would indicate that their article subjects aren’t complete narcissists.

The last word goes to Abigail, who tells us that the trans-in-waiting aren’t “angry at medical staff, or even the decisions, but at the system—which is so lacking in resilience, and lets us down so regularly.” And I don’t know about you, but I think “lacking in resilience” is his way of leading into “which is why we need socialism like yesterday.”

And regarding the “lets us down so regularly” part: As a pessimist, I can appreciate the gloom in that phrase, but I’m really creeped out that having to wait for genital mutilation is a letdown.

And I’m also shaking my head at the way that VICE edited another part of Abigail’s final statement. At the beginning of the last paragraph, he says, “The waiting times are [extremely long] and nobody knows when things will get back to normal.”

Of all the words that VICE could have used to fill in the gaps of a lament from a man who’s just had his penis destroyed, they picked “extremely long.” What a dick move.

Verso l’alto,
Megan