Megan Mulls It Over

+JMJ

“Whoever has ears ought to hear.” Matthew 11:15

I have always paid close attention to song lyrics. Sometimes this has caused minor dust-ups in my relationships with others. There seems to be no shortage of people who think I “read too much into” songs or have my “mind in the gutter” when I recognize sexual innuendos or notice overt sexual references in songs. And this weekend as I was browsing the Internet for blog ideas, I ran across this gem on Yahoo! Lifestyle, attributed to Country Living, that reminded me of the creepiness that can result from indifference to song lyrics.

So apparently Blake Shelton sang some of his song “Hell Right” with a 5-year-old audience member at one of his recent concerts, and the Internet’s heart is melting. Yahoo‘s headline even promised that the subject video would “melt your heart.” The tagline under Country Living‘s headline promised that it would “make your day.”

And it kinda did make my day by giving me an idea that riled me up enough to blog.

“Megan, this sounds like yet another one of your overreactions.” You must be unaware that Blake Shelton has become the Howard Stern of country music. And the plot of “Hell Right” is pretty much the same as that of 50% of modern country songs and 90+% of all rap songs ever. “Megan, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Then let me spell it out for you: It’s the weekend, and a group of guys hit the town in search of alcohol and loose women.

“So the song’s a little dirty. That doesn’t mean Blake Shelton’s some kinda pervert for singing part of it with a child.” Maybe not “some kinda pervert,” but no one’s going to convince me that I’m the weird one for getting a weird vibe from a kid singing the word “hell” in public with the Howard Stern of country music.

Particularly when the lyric is from a song that celebrates immorality and, as an added bonus, the cunnilingus skills of one of the male protagonists.

“Ugh, Megan, I can’t believe you went there. You need to get your mind out of the gutter. ‘Lick’ is a guitar term. That line is referring to guitar-playing skills.” You are obviously unfamiliar with Blake Shelton’s personality and/or the concept of double entendre.

“Ok so I’m kinda starting to see your point about the drunken fornication in ‘Hell Right,’ but what’s the big deal about the kid saying ‘hell’? Especially when you think that’s not the worst part of the song. Plus, you have a pretty high tolerance for profanity for someone who’s otherwise so straitlaced.” It’s true that I don’t regard profanity in the same way as those in my Church who are full supporters of the Profanity Police State, wherein no adult should ever say a word that she wouldn’t want her child blurting out in a crowded Adoration chapel.

The profanity wouldn’t be on my radar if it were being used by an adult. It wouldn’t even be on my radar if it were being used by a young child among adults who had a less celebratory attitude towards it. Let’s be honest – it can be funny when a child blurts out a naughty word. But it is the responsibility of the adults around him or her to suppress their giggles so that the child won’t start using the word excessively or in inappropriate circumstances.

And y’all know I don’t drop accusations of racism often, so listen up. I really have to wonder if Little Suzy’s mom would have been fangirling so much if somebody had taken Little Suzy to a rap concert and the same sort of incident had unfolded.

Because even though there are contexts where a white guy singing a dirty song with a little girl is cute and funny to many, I think it’s safe to say that at least some of those same people would see a black guy doing the same thing and think it was, well, dirty.

This mess reminded me of an even cringier video that I had run across a few years ago that featured a father and daughter singing a duet of, wait for it, “Angel of the Morning.” For those who are unfamiliar with this song, it is a female first-person account of a hookup in which she attempts to reassure herself that she won’t care if he’s not there in the morning, by assuring him that she won’t care if he’s not there in the morning.

So please don’t insinuate that I need to justify feeling creeped out by a father-daughter rendition of this.

It took me a while, but I managed to track down the video, at which point I learned that the father and daughter, who was 11 at the time, are Bulgarian. At that point I considered letting this whole thing go since it’s possible English is not their first language. I didn’t wanna stick my foot in my mouth if the dad didn’t fully understand the lyrics.

But then I realized that even if the dad didn’t understand the lyrics (which I doubt), that wouldn’t explain the praise the duet got from native English speakers the first time I ran across it.

“So now I see where you got the ‘creepy white men’ part of this post’s title, but where are the ‘capitalist mice’?” At The Happiest Place on Earth of course! In the process of searching for the “Angel of the Morning” video, I ran across this ad for Disney theme parks that features a father and daughter singing “A Whole New World” from the Aladdin soundtrack.

So there I was, strolling along, rolling my eyes at all the Marxist brats who are constantly shouting some version of “Capitalism kills!” And then I stumbled over a video of a father and his 4-year-old daughter singing a love song to each other in order to promote a theme park.

And now that hammer and sickle are looking pretty appealing.

In all seriousness, the Disney video (and the insane amount of positive comments on it) did help me understand why some people hate capitalism and white people, because it’s a horrible look for both. “Megan, this is just an innocent video of a daddy who regards his daughter as his little princess. And ‘A Whole New World’ isn’t dirty.” You’re right that the song isn’t dirty. But it is a love song, i.e., elaborate pick-up line, as is every love song ever.

So again, I’m really struggling to see why anyone would think I’m weird for being creeped out by this.

“So Megan, I agree with the substance of what you’ve said in this post. But I really don’t like your tone. This is the month of St. Joseph, whom the Church regards as a preeminent model of quiet virtue. Maybe try to be a little gentler in honor of him?”

Let me remind you that the Litany of Saint Joseph refers to him as the “terror of demons.” “I know that. What’s your point?”

Joseph probably didn’t say anything when Mary burned the meatloaf. But how exactly does one terrorize demons without making some noise?

Verso l’alto,
Megan