Megan Mulls It Over

+JMJ

“As he drew near, he saw the city and wept over it…”
Luke 19:41

If you are a woman, a significant portion of your life has probably been spent trying to figure out the thoughts and feelings of the men in your life. And it’s harder than ever for men to express those thoughts and feelings if they involve vulnerability, especially if they are likely to lead to the shedding of tears.

“Megan, that’s because our society is like so male-dominated and there’s like so much toxic masculinity and stuff. If we encouraged men to express their emotions, we like wouldn’t have this problem.”

You sound like a typical millennial feminist. “We should encourage men to express their emotions” is not a new theme in feminism. What is new (to me at least) is the feminist idea that men sharing their hearts with women can be an act of oppression because it forces the women to do “emotional labor.”

So the current message to American men appears to be something like, “We really wish you’d open up. But we’re going to need advance notice and a nonrefundable cash deposit.”

Ironically, there seems to be, in some ways, an inverse relationship between male domination and male stoicism. Men in societies governed by sharia law, where it may be acceptable to kill a promiscuous daughter, are often shown weeping freely on the evening news.

And meanwhile the average American dad, who won’t even ground his promiscuous daughter, is thinking, “I can’t cry. That would make me look weak.”

I try to have a balanced perspective on male crying. I do think that it is unfairly stigmatized, as previously detailed in my October 24, 2018 post, “Chelsea Manning Is Still Man Enough.”

I also really dislike the most common manifestations of the “emotional labor” trope, as referenced in No. 70 in my February 1, 2019 post, “Feminism Is Great (At Causing Misery).” I think that this trope fails to account for the fact that giving emotional support to men they love is, for many women, its own reward.

Or maybe that’s just me. If it is, the rest of you are weird. And heartless.

But even though I have an appreciation for male tears, I also don’t like it when women berate men for not crying. First of all, you should not assume that he never cries just because he never cries in your presence. Maybe he thinks you would accuse him of imposing emotional labor. He’s probably right.

Secondly, I think it’s important for women to realize that men may have different coping mechanisms than them and that that’s ok.

But I also really hate it when men make fun of women or other men for crying. Which is why I opened this post with a reference to Jesus crying. If it’s good enough for the Son of God, it’s good enough for you, tough guy.

Which brings me to the main part of this post. Pondering the inner lives of men made me realize that even though American men are reluctant to cry in front of others, there is no shortage of songs recorded by men that feature male tears. Below, in chronological order of release date, are some of my favorites.

1) Hank Williams, “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry” (1949)

I also really like B.J. Thomas’s version of this one.

2) Del Shannon, “Runaway” (1961)

I also love Gary Allan’s version.

3) Roy Orbison, “Crying” (1962)

Raul Malo does great covers of this one.

4) Ernie Ashworth, “Talk Back Trembling Lips” (1963)

5) Engelbert Humperdinck, “A Man Without Love” (1968)

This is another one that Raul Malo, both on his own and with The Mavericks, covers brilliantly.

6) Hamilton, Joe Frank & Reynolds, “Don’t Pull Your Love” (1971)

7) Queen, “Somebody to Love” (1976)

I was first introduced to this one after watching this talk by Catholic speaker Jackie Francois-Angel. At 4:09 she bursts into what I assumed was an exaggerated rendition in order to illustrate how she imagines Adam felt before the creation of Eve. And then I heard the song and realized she wasn’t exaggerating. It is a veritable explosion of male emotion.

8) Gary Morris, “Baby Bye Bye” (1984)

9) Chicago, “Look Away” (1988)

10) Keith Whitley, “I’m Over You” (1990)

11) Brooks & Dunn, “Neon Moon” (1992)

12) Soul Asylum, “Runaway Train” (1993)

13) Steve Wariner, “Drivin’ and Cryin’” (1993)

14) Bon Jovi, “This Ain’t a Love Song” (1995)

So the producers definitely should have given Jon Bon Jovi a guitar in the video because white people do not know what to do with their hands while dancing. “Megan, you’ve always thought Jon Bon Jovi is hot.” First of all, hi Mom and thanks for stopping by the blog. Second of all, he is hot, but that doesn’t redeem the dance moves.

And my one black reader is probably appalled that I’m even referring to them as dance moves and not “dance moves.”

15) Eli Young Band, “When it Rains” (2007)

Some of you may have noticed that in Nos. 10 and 11, the crying man is drinking. And it does appear that nothing gets the male tears flowing quite like booze. Or prescription estrogen. Neither of which promotes a genuine emotional release.

So if you’re a man who thinks he could use a good cry and is tempted to get drunk or transition in order to have one, just listen to these songs on repeat instead. You’re welcome.

Verso l’alto,
Megan