Megan Mulls It Over

+JMJ

Note: In this post, as I have done consistently throughout the course of this blog, I will use pronouns in a way that affirms biological and ontological realities, even though this means violating standards of political correctness. If you are new to this blog and are interested in some background on why I do this, I suggest reading some of my past posts on Chelsea Manning. As I have said before, there are plenty to choose from because this blog is probably the closest thing there is to a The Chelsea Manning Show.)

Note No. 2: The article that is the subject of this post includes some salty language and topics that I chose not to censor. I am not about to kowtow to the Profanity Police, but I do want to assure my readers that this blog is not turning into a saloon.   

If you are a regular on this blog, you might remember that I recently wrote about a Vice article by British transgender activist Kai Isaiah-Jamal that gave a list of “100 easy ways” to be a better ally to transgender people. Turns out that Vice has an entire collection of “100 Easy Ways” articles filed under a topic called “The Least You Could Do.” The second article that I read from there was “100 Easy Ways to Make Women’s Lives More Bearable,” by Dani Beckett. Beckett is known in the UK for feminist and “fat acceptance” advocacy, as well as campaigning for abolition of the monarchy.

One important difference between Beckett’s article and Isaiah-Jamal’s is that I found more tips in Beckett’s that were innocuous or even positive. However, like Isaiah-Jamal’s, it has a very harsh and condescending tone. And it also promotes a lot of things that I believe are immoral.

Like Isaiah-Jamal, Beckett comes out swinging before the article even gets started. The line below the title says, “We’ve got more if you need them.” (Don’t you just love that “We,” as in “We women,” as in, “The women of the world got together and wrote this list”?) In fairness, this article’s harsh tone is more appropriate than that of Isaiah-Jamal’s article. The latter was directed at allies, a group that trans people should be, I would think, expected to at least tolerate if not like, whereas Beckett’s is directed primarily at men, who are very obviously held in contempt by Beckett and her friends.

As I did for my post on Isaiah-Jamal’s article, the numbers given below correspond to the numbers assigned to the tips in the article.

3 – “Trans women are women. Repeat that until you perish.”

I think I would rather perish.

6 – “…never comment on a woman’s body.”

This one was notable to me because it came right after one that said, “Remember that fat women exist…” So evidently it is okay for Beckett to comment on a woman’s body, presumably because she herself is a woman. And, based on No. 3, all a man would have to do in order to get this same privilege is say that he’s a woman.

It must also be okay for Beckett to call women “fat.” (This is the q-word all over again. All the words you grew up thinking were mean are now being “redefined.”) I wonder: is “fat” like the n-word where only overweight women (or maybe all women) are allowed to say it about and to one another? Or is it like the q-word where if someone calls himself or herself “fat,” anyone else can and should as well?

Also, if a man should “never comment on a woman’s body,” why is there so much pressure on men to find plus-size and transgender models attractive? It seems like following this rule could actually get a man in trouble when it comes to these models. And if you are a man who doesn’t believe me, just try this little exercise:

Step 1: A feminist shoves a magazine in your face that has a 600-pound “trans woman” on the cover and says, “How hot is she, amirite?!” Step 2: You say, “I was told to ‘never comment on a woman’s body,’ so I’d really appreciate it if you would stop trying to incite toxic masculinity up in here.”

Bonus points if the feminist with the magazine is Dani Beckett. (Megan Mulls It Over is not responsible for any medical damages that may befall a man after saying this to a feminist.)

10 – “CLOSE YOUR LEGS ON PUBLIC TRANSIT, OH MY GOD.”

This is a new low for the fake news media. Apparently Jesus was riding the Tube, and it didn’t even merit one sentence on page 28A. (Hey, she said “Oh my God.” Hehehehehehe…)

This doesn’t make sense as a universal rule because the two biggest potential problems with manspreading that I can think of are due to the man and not the posture. First, he might be so rude that he’s taking up an entire section of a bench with his spread legs and not closing them when others move to sit down.

Or, he could be an exhibitionist. Or a creep who will close his legs just enough for you to sit next to him, but then try to brush against you when he goes back to manspreading. The problem in these scenarios is his attitude, not the position of his legs.

And this is another rule that can go right out the window if you decide to identify as a woman.

So I know he wasn’t on public transit at the time, but check out the pose (safe for work, I promise) that Chelsea Manning chose for what I think might have been his first post-prison interview. “But Megan, Chelsea is a woman!”

He’s certainly no lady.

And I am willing to compromise and call his pose “Manning-spreading” if the alternative is too triggering.

12 – “Examine your language when talking about women. Get rid of ‘irrational,’ ‘dramatic,’ ‘bossy,’ and ‘badgering’ immediately.”

This list is not a woman. Therefore, let’s all assume that it’s okay to use these adjectives to describe it.

16 – “Recognize women’s credibility when you introduce them. ‘Donna is lovely’ is much less useful than ‘Donna knows shitloads about architecture.’”

The architecture reference suggests to me that the context of this one is a professional function. In all seriousness, how many men in today’s world would introduce a woman as “lovely” in a professional context? I doubt that it’s many. Seriously, I do. And if it really is many, then this one’s not a nothing burger after all.

21 – “Buy sanitary pads and tampons and donate them to a homeless shelter. Just do it.”

I actually like this one. And while you’re at it, go down to the homeless shelter and ask the women there if they lose sleep over manspreading.

And you can also tell them about how you live under a constant threat of rape in your office, classroom, or HOME.

22 – “How much of what you are watching/reading/listening to was made by women? Gender balance your bookcase.”

Let me guess – books by conservative women don’t count.

23 – “Feeling proud of your balanced bookcase? Are there women of color there? Trans, queer, and disabled women? Poor women? Always make sure you’re being intersectional.”

And once again, I feel like I’ve been run over by the identity politics short bus.

Food for thought: I guess if you’re running out of space on your bookshelf, all you need to do is find a book written by a poor, black, indigenous, disabled “trans woman” and you’ll cover all the bases in one swoop.

24 – “Don’t buy media that demeans women’s experiences, valorizes violence against women, or excludes them entirely from a cast.”

Wait, what if the movie is called Men We Hate? Then is it okay to exclude women from the cast? And as far as the first two criteria, if you think the author is talking about porn, think again. Tip No. 32 is “Pay for porn.”

So as long as everybody’s getting paid, degrade away!

28 – “Withdraw your support from sports clubs, institutions, and companies that protect and employ rapists and abusers.”

I actually like this one. With the caveat that I do not support an overly broad definition of “rapists and abusers.”

29 – “Stop raving about Woody Allen…”

I actually like this one, too.

30 – “Cast women in parts written for men…”

Nailing a woman to a cross in your Jesus movie will not change the fact that the actual Savior of the world is male. Just sayin’.

33 – “Recognize that sex work is work. Be an advocate for and ally to sex workers…”

You know there are lots of men out there right now who are saying, “I’ll be an advocate and ally for you all night long! Or for as long as $5 will get me.”

And if any of you sex worker entrepreneurs are offended by the $5 reference, don’t blame The Patriarchy. Blame Comrade Ocasio-Cortez’s crippling tax policies.

36 – “Speak less in meetings today to make space for your women colleagues to share their thoughts…”

I have a better idea. If you’re a woman who has something to say, speak up.

That awkward moment when the non-feminist has more confidence than the feminist in women’s abilities to advocate for themselves.

38 – “Promote women. Their leadership styles may be different than yours. That’s probably a good thing.”

Wait, isn’t it sexist to assume that women’s leadership styles would be different? Is this one saying, “She’s more nurturing than you because when she’s not at work she’s baking cookies for her children”?

40 – “Open doors for women with caring responsibilities by offering flexible employment contracts.”

You lost me at “Open doors.” I thought men weren’t supposed to open doors for women. I thought that was sexist. But now it’s okay? Pick a struggle?

41 – “If you meet a man and a woman at work, do not assume the man is the superior for literally no reason.”

This one was actually thought-provoking, and something I wouldn’t mind observing in my own life to see if it’s something that I do, and, if so, stopping.

43 – “Make a round of tea for the office.”

This one is dumb. Just because there was a time when women were expected to make tea and coffee for everybody doesn’t mean that men should be virtue-signaled into doing it now. Nobody should have to make tea for anyone else in a business setting unless it’s in his or her job description, which, thanks to “other duties as assigned,” it may very well be.

44 – “Wash it up.”

First of all, if you are not married to the man to whom this is directed, there is no moral way that his genital hygiene is any of your concern.

Second of all, if you are married to him, you need to take this up with him rather than the Internet.

Third, don’t tell me you’re one of those women who complains about both the lack of spontaneity in your sex life and your partner’s failure to meet your own hygiene standards for him. You are not going to have perfect hygiene and perfect spontaneity. They are mutually exclusive because no one is fresh and clean all the time.

Fourth, and most importantly, there is a huge double standard at play here. Feminists are constantly talking about how women are socialized to believe that their genitals are smelly and dirty. But apparently it’s okay for a woman to say these kinds of things about men’s genitals.

So instead of taking the “Two can play at this game!” approach, can we just stop insulting each other’s genitals?

45 – “If you find you’re only interviewing men for a role, rewrite the job listing so that it’s more welcoming to women.”

What does this even mean? It actually sounds kinda sexist. Is the author suggesting that the hiring manager include information in the posting about the breastfeeding lounge?

46 – “Make sure you have women on your interview panel.”

What if there aren’t any women in that department or there are but they’re not at the level to be on an interview panel?

Oops. Silly me. That would mean that they are being oppressed.

Even if no women applied for jobs in your department. Oops again. Refer back to Rule No. 45 about rewriting that position description. (And don’t forget to mention the paid PMS days your company offers!)

47 – “Tell female colleagues what your salary is.”

This is a recipe for disaster in just about any office environment, no matter the gender of the participants in the conversation. So I think it speaks volumes about the author that she is willing to foment workplace resentment as long as it fits with her victimhood mentality.

And another thing that struck me was that it seems not to account for women who are the highest achievers in their fields. It seems like it was written for men who make more than their female colleagues, to “hold them accountable for their privilege.” What if the man makes less than the woman?

Oh – I guess then he’s telling her for the purpose of letting her laugh in his face.

50 – “If you manage a team, make sure that your employees know that you recognize period pain and cystitis as legitimate reasons for a sick day.”

Um…how could a male boss share this in a way that wouldn’t sound sexist and frankly a little creepy? It would be creepy in a one-on-one setting, and in a group setting, it would be downright embarrassing. Can you imagine a meeting where the boss is basically like, “How about a shoutout to all our female colleagues with period probs?”

52 – “Expect a woman to do the stuff that’s in her job description. Not the other miscellaneous shit you don’t know how to do yourself.”

As introduced in No. 43, a lot of that “other miscellaneous shit you don’t know how to do yourself” is called “other duties as assigned,” and men are subject to this, too. I found this one to be especially irksome because it underscored the fact that the women who are most represented in these rules are educated, Western women working in office jobs. These women tend to be upwardly mobile and have more options when it comes to their careers, particularly in comparison to women in lower-status jobs.

How is it that the people who talk constantly about other people’s “privilege” can’t seem to recognize their own?

53 – “Refuse to speak on an all-male panel.”

Even if it’s some kind of sackcloth-and-ashes “We’re all scumbags” panel?

54 – “In a Q&A session, only put your hand up if you have A QUESTION. Others didn’t attend to listen to you.”

I thought this one was pretty fair, because every time that I can remember witnessing this, the person doing it was a man. However, I don’t view this as oppression, just annoyance.

59 – “Teach your sons to listen to girls, give them space, believe them, and elevate them.”

Okay, I don’t have a problem with the first two. But “believe” is a minefield. No one should be expected to believe every single story of victimization that he or she hears. And contrary to what feminists believe, it is possible to have compassion and respect for a woman while doubting the veracity of her story.

And let’s talk about “elevate.” In this context, I don’t think this means “respect” or “honor.” I think it means “idolize,” “deify,” and “worship as your superior.” And I’m not sure that Beckett would dispute that.

60 – “Dads, buy your daughter tampons, make her hot water bottles, wash her bras. Show her that her body isn’t something to be ashamed of.”

This one needs to be unpacked piece-by-piece. I think the aversion that lots of men have to buying feminine products is not a big deal. If he refuses to buy them when he’s the only one available to do so, that’s one thing, but if it’s just that he generally doesn’t want to be seen purchasing them, that’s not something I lose sleep over. In the past, the cashier would have presumed that he’s buying them for a woman in his life, but nowadays, she’s just as likely to assume that he’s a “trans man.” (To which Beckett would say, “So what?”)

And I am on the fence about the hot water bottles thing. It sounds good in theory, but in practice I’m not sure that a lot of girls would like it. Consider: the average teenage girl in the throes of PMS is not going to be lounging around a public area of the house. She will most likely be holed up in her room. Which would require her father to knock and probably get yelled at for disturbing her.

If Beckett has a like-minded daughter, she can barely stand to be around a man during peacetime, so why would she want to see one during “that time of the month”?

As far as the bras, I am assuming that this is referring to hand-washing because I doubt that a man would actually refuse to wash undergarments that were thrown in with everything else to be machine-washed.

First of all, I think that there is an argument to be made that hand-washing is above and beyond ordinary laundry duty. So if it’s the man’s turn to do laundry (or if he’s supposed to do it all the time), I think introducing hand-washing would be grounds for him to attempt to renegotiate his laundry job description.

Second of all, men should not be shamed for being uncomfortable with hand-washing their daughters’ bras. This is not to say that a man who is comfortable with this is weird or creepy. Nor is it to say that a man who is uncomfortable with it is only uncomfortable because he thinks it would turn him into some sort of pervert. But there is nothing wrong with a man not wanting to have this level of contact with his daughter’s undergarments.

And perhaps most importantly, I think the bra part shows a lack of consideration for the feelings of the average teenage girl. How many do you know who would feel something other than utter humiliation at the thought of their dads hand-washing their bras? (Many probably don’t even like the idea of them machine-washing them with everything else.) Beckett would likely attribute this discomfort to society’s negative messages to girls about their bodies, but I think that’s preposterous.

Discomfort with your dad hand-washing your bras stems from: 1) the perfectly legitimate desire of a daughter for her father to not know what kind of bras she wears; and 2) the awareness that emerges in adolescence of certain privacy norms that apply to dealings with the opposite sex. And because Beckett thinks that “trans women” are women, it doesn’t surprise me that she’d be a little tone-deaf to this second point.

And let’s be honest – the girl who’s uncomfortable with her dad hand-washing her bras is probably also uncomfortable with the thought of sharing locker room space with a boy who claims to be a girl. In other words, she’s what Beckett would call “transphobic.” So who cares about her feelings anyway?

I also wish that Beckett would have come out and said that this tip was directed at men who already participate in laundry duty. I know that she would think it’s unacceptable for men not to share the burden of laundry (or, better yet, do it all themselves), but even so, I wish she had phrased it as “Don’t refuse to wash her bras.” Because taken by itself it sounds like it could be telling a man to go out of his way to wash his daughter’s bras even if he doesn’t wash any other laundry. And that’s creepy.

The creepy factor continues with the “Show her that her body isn’t something to be ashamed of.” I know that it’s meant to be read in the context of the things that directly preceded it, rather than a stand-alone thing. But it still came across as creepy to me. Again, the creepy factor could have been avoided (somewhat) if Beckett wasn’t operating under the assumption that a man who doesn’t do laundry is a tyrannical brute.

61 – “But dads, do not try to iron her bras. This is a mistake you will only make once.”

A man who is worried about his daughter’s bra being wrinkled may have serious issues. You only worry about stuff being wrinkled if it’s stuff that’s going to be seen. If you are okay with your unmarried daughter’s undergarments being seen, you have failed as a father and as a man.

And you need to stand up to her sex-positive feminist mother.

“But Megan, maybe the dad thinks that a wrinkled bra will look bad under clothes!” So this is an improvement over the sex-positive dad because it could be a modesty concern.

“But maybe the dad’s just one of those neat freaks who irons EVERYTHING!” These weirdos typically already know enough about the rules of ironing to know that a bra should not be ironed. And even if they don’t, they are probably the type who always read instructions. At which point they would see “Do Not Iron.”

63 – “Learn how to do domestic tasks to a high standard. ‘I’d only do it wrong’ is a bullshit excuse.”

The “high standard” part actually sounds a little sexist. Is Beckett saying, “Nobody washes dishes as well as a woman!”? And as far as the excuse part – it’s only “bullshit” if the female partner isn’t picky about how the chores are done. If she is, the man has a point.

And he should also be allowed to include “Lived with feminist” on his “Chores Accomplished This Week” list.

67 – “Trust women’s religious choices. Don’t pretend to liberate them just so you can criticise their beliefs.”

I got such a kick out of this one because the second sentence sounds a lot like what feminism does.

68 – “Examine who books your trips, arranges outings, organizes Christmas, buys birthday cards. Is it a woman? IS IT?”

So now these things are oppressive? Is this really something that a woman can’t work out in private with her partner if she finds it burdensome? Does it really deserve a mention in an article that was written in honor of International Women’s Day? Oops. I guess “international” doesn’t just mean “Don’t forget about women in the developing world who are in danger of having acid thrown in their faces.” It also means, “Don’t forget about Western women who are overburdened with Christmas shopping. The Struggle is real for them, too.”

69 – “And if it is actually you, a man, don’t even dare get in touch with me looking for your medal.”

Wait, if it’s the woman doing all that stuff, is the man allowed to say this to her?

70 – “Take stock of the emotional labor you expect from women. Do you turn to the women around you for emotional support and give nothing in return?”

I did not identify with this one at all, and it actually made me really sad. I think that lots of women wish the men in their lives would be more open about their emotions.

And here comes Dani Beckett to tell men that sharing their feelings just might impose too much “emotional labor” on women.

“But Megan, she didn’t say they shouldn’t share their feelings. She just said they should be ready to give something in return.”

If someone offered you a million dollars, would you tell him, “Okay, but you’re going to have to give me something in return”?

75 – “If you see a friend or colleague being inappropriate to a woman, call him out. You will survive the awkwardness, I promise.”
76 – “Repeat after me: Always. Hold. Men. Accountable. For. Their. Actions.”

I actually like these.

77 – “Do not walk too close to a woman late at night. That shit can be scary.”

I like this one, too, but I think it could easily be taken too far.

Furthermore, I think this is a case where friction could arise between gender-based concerns and race-based concerns. Is a white woman allowed to feel afraid of a minority man?

And if we want to look more in-depth at the fears of white women, let’s not trust any ol’ SJW study. I think the ideal study would put a picture of Malcolm X (not one of his mugshots) and one of a black gangster side-by-side and then ask the women which one they would be more afraid of, based on appearance and demeanor. I would evaluate the responses as follows:

-If you would be afraid of both types: congratulations on breaking the Grand Wizard glass ceiling (and congratulations to the Left on finding an actual racist).

-If neither type would inspire fear: congratulations on living this long.

-If you would be afraid of a gangster type but not a Malcolm X type: congratulations on your racial tolerance and commitment to personal safety.

-If you would be afraid of a Malcolm X type but not a gangster type: congratulations on your historically accurate perception of Malcolm X. (I am assuming that the woman who would choose this option is one who understands that post-prison Malcolm X would have some very “judgmental” words for a woman who would not avoid a man like pre-prison Malcolm X.)

78 – “If you see a woman being followed or otherwise bothered by a stranger, stick around to make sure she’s safe.”

I like this one, but couldn’t the guy who “sticks around” be mistaken for one of the creepers referenced in Tip No. 77?

Also, isn’t it kinda “patriarchal”? Wasn’t it Beckett’s team who told us that men holding doors open for women is a form of oppression? If holding a door is oppressive, how bad is it to assume that a woman might need you to physically protect her?

80 – “If you are a queer man, recognize that your sexuality doesn’t exclude you from potential misogyny.”

Aside from the q-word, I like this one. But I am sure that Beckett has a much broader definition of “misogyny” than I do.

And she is evidently an intersectional feminist (judging from her insistence that “trans women” are women), so I am going to go out on a limb here and say that, for her, this rule no longer applies once a man declares he’s a woman. If you are a cisgender man, you can’t even say something like, “Women generally have less upper body strength than men” without getting flamed by Beckett & Co.

But if you’re a gender dysphoric man, you can say stuff like “Choke on my girldick” to people who disagree with you (including fellow leftists) and still be allowed to keep your place at the feminist table. (Yes, “trans women” saying stuff like that is really a thing. Welcome to the future.)

 89 – “Accidentally impregnated a woman who doesn’t want a kid? Abortions cost money. Pay for half of it.”

First of all, did she just call a clump of cells a kid?

I also definitely noticed that she said “a” kid, rather than “her” kid. And “your” kid was definitely not an option. Because, as feminism is so fond of reminding us, all the man did was contribute a teeny-tiny bit of biological material.

Kinda like a match that starts a forest fire. Once it burns out, the oxygen does all the work. So given that the match had such a small role, why should we even arrest the arsonist who struck it?

I am also super triggered by that “Abortions cost money” bit. I thought Planned Parenthood was a charitable organization that “helped” women purely out of the goodness of their hearts. And now you’re telling me they make money? My world is so shattered right now.

Also, why should the man only pay for half of it? Why not all? His male privilege has undoubtedly given him a six-figure salary, so why should the woman who is struggling with the wage gap and glass ceiling have to pay for half? Dani Beckett is so sexist!

92 – “Examine your opinion on abortion. Then put it in a box. Because, honestly, it’s completely irrelevant.”

This one is very misleading. When it comes to opinions on abortion, the opinion itself matters more to pro-choicers than the gender of the person with the opinion. If a man is pro-choice, they’ll want him to come to the march to shame pro-lifers of both sexes.

And to carry heavy boxes and stuff.

94 – “Understand that not all women have periods or vaginas.”

This one merits an extra-large eye roll. “But Megan, some women are born with certain biological abnormalities…” Let me stop you right there. Beckett is an intersectional feminist. So she is obviously talking about “trans women.” And we clearly see here that the motto of intersectional feminism is basically:

“Men are the enemy, but if you chemically castrate yourself (or just say you’re a woman), you can totally be one of us.”

95 – “Believe women’s pain. Periods hurt. Endometriosis is real. Polycystic ovaries, vaginal pain, cystitis. These things are real. Hysteria isn’t.”

“Periods hurt” is such a loaded statement. It is not universally true, and not all painful periods are equally painful or part of chronic medical conditions. A woman with garden-variety menstrual cramps should not be lumping herself in with women who have those other conditions, and this tip didn’t seem to account very well for that.

But it was never meant to. Because this list is primarily directed at men. So if a woman wants to trivialize another woman’s pain by exaggerating her own, I guess that’s okay because they’re both victims of the same Patriarchy.

98 – “Uplift young Black and Indigenous girls at every possible opportunity. No excuses.”

Let me guess – this includes helping them pay for contraceptives and abortions. And yet we who are opposed to these things are the ones who are channeling the Nazis. Figure that one out.

99 – “Do not ever assume you know what it’s like.”

“Trans women” do this all the time. So this is yet another instance where all you have to do is say you’re a woman in order to get an exemption.

Overall this list showed me that even when individual feminists get some things right, feminism itself is still a toxic ideology that depends upon perpetual war between the sexes for its survival. And even though I think that sanity is generally easier to find among gender-critical feminists than intersectional feminists, I believe that gender-critical feminism is still based on contempt for men.

Gender-critical feminists will (justifiably) go to bat for female prisoners who don’t want to share cells with “trans women,” but their feminism won’t allow them to be completely honest about why men wanting full inclusion in women’s spaces is so problematic. When a man says, “I am a woman, and I demand that you recognize me as such,” he is essentially saying, “I am just like you, so don’t count on me to protect you.” And feminists are too proud to give voice to their fears of, “Wait, does this mean I just lost my spot in the lifeboat?”

Feminism is already safe and legal. If only it could be rare, too.

Verso l’alto,
Megan